{"id":2497,"date":"2015-12-18T12:59:40","date_gmt":"2015-12-18T10:59:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/?p=2497"},"modified":"2024-02-29T16:31:48","modified_gmt":"2024-02-29T13:31:48","slug":"ben-insan-degilim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/tr\/ben-insan-degilim\/","title":{"rendered":"Ben \u0130nsan De\u011filim"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"676\" src=\"http:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/jannie-1024x676.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-2498\" srcset=\"https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/jannie-1024x676.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/jannie-300x198.jpg 300w, https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/jannie-768x507.jpg 768w, https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/jannie-1536x1014.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/jannie-2048x1352.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">\u00a9\u00a0Tony Beck<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Ben insan de\u011filim<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Bir istifa dilek\u00e7esi&#8230;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Art\u0131k bir eve ihtiyac\u0131m yok.<br>Her da\u011f, her dere benim evim.<br>Art\u0131k bir dile ihtiyac\u0131m yok.<br>B\u00fct\u00fcn diller benim dilim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Art\u0131k kendime ihtiyac\u0131m yok.<br>D\u00fcnyan\u0131n her \u015fekli benim suretim.<br>\u015eimdi \u00f6lmek de kalmak da bir.<br>Ben her\u015feyim ve insan de\u011filim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>**<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ayr\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131n hepsi ac\u0131 verir. Ama en ac\u0131s\u0131 vedala\u015fmadan ya\u015fanan ayr\u0131l\u0131klard\u0131r. Ak\u015fam eve d\u00f6n\u00fcp de onun art\u0131k nefes almad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ba\u015fkalar\u0131ndan \u00f6\u011frenmek, kahredicidir. \u015eu d\u00fcnyay\u0131 gezerken hep b\u00f6yle ayr\u0131l\u0131klar ya\u015far\u0131m. Sevdi\u011fim bir derenin vadisi baraj oluverir, nadir bir bitkinin ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 yer s\u00fcr\u00fcl\u00fcr, tarlaya d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr. Biraz uzak kalsam \u0130zmir\u2019den, Gediz\u2019de ku\u015flar\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm yerlerde beton y\u0131\u011f\u0131nlar\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131lar beni. Bozk\u0131r\u0131n ortas\u0131ndan yollar ge\u00e7er, ulu ormanlar kesilir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Bunlar\u0131n \u00f6yk\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc orada ya\u015fayan insanlardan \u00f6\u011frenirim, bir de ku\u015flar\u0131n art\u0131k orada olmay\u0131\u015f\u0131ndan. \u0130\u015fte bu \u00f6\u011frenme an\u0131, mutlak ayr\u0131l\u0131k an\u0131d\u0131r, mutlak yaln\u0131zl\u0131k an\u0131. O an, sevdi\u011fim birini kaybetmi\u015f gibi derin bir ac\u0131 ya\u015far\u0131m. Do\u011fan\u0131n biz oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr, kanayan yarama zaman basar\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>D\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fte etraf\u0131m\u0131 seyrederek hen\u00fcz can vermemi\u015f do\u011fam\u0131z\u0131 arar\u0131m. Hastane koridorlar\u0131nda dola\u015fmak gibi bir \u015feydir bu yolculuk. S\u0131rt\u0131 jiletlenmi\u015f bir da\u011f, kollar\u0131n\u0131 i\u015f makinelerine kapt\u0131rm\u0131\u015f bir nehir, karn\u0131 yar\u0131larak kurutulmu\u015f bir g\u00f6l! Bu h\u00fczn\u00fcn d\u0131\u015f\u0131na \u00e7\u0131kmak, ya\u015fama sar\u0131lmak i\u00e7in elime bir gazete al\u0131r\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Gazeteler bir daha kan\u0131tlar. \u0130nsan: Gelmi\u015f ge\u00e7mi\u015f en tehlikeli varl\u0131k. Sadece do\u011faya de\u011fil, birbirine de ac\u0131mas\u0131z. Sava\u015f haberlerini okurum, birbirini \u00f6ld\u00fcrenlerin cesetlerini g\u00f6r\u00fcr\u00fcm, yine toplum, bir dil, bir gelenek hor g\u00f6r\u00fclmekte. Bug\u00fcn bir insan \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fcl\u00fcr, yar\u0131n bir t\u00fcr\u00fcn nesli t\u00fckenir. Hepsi vicdans\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n sonucu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Y\u0131llard\u0131r Anadolu co\u011frafyas\u0131n\u0131 geziyorum. Anadolu ruhunu soluyorum. Tuza direnerek ya\u015fayan cesur bitkiler, orkidelerin renkleri, kurtlar\u0131n aras\u0131ndaki b\u00fcy\u00fcleyici ba\u011flar, yunuslar\u0131n derin sesleri, Anadolu\u2019da binlerce y\u0131ld\u0131r ya\u015fanan sade hayatlar. Yaz\u0131 do\u011fay\u0131 anlatmama yetmiyor. Anl\u0131yorum, toprakla su aras\u0131nda harflere s\u0131\u011fmayan bir a\u015fk var.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Derken bamba\u015fka \u015feyler g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Bu nas\u0131l bir k\u0131y\u0131m? Postlar\u0131 sat\u0131lan parslar, gen\u00e7 ku\u015faklar\u0131n\u0131 DDT\u2019ye kurban veren kelaynaklar, her y\u0131l milyonlarcas\u0131 s\u00f6k\u00fclen orkideler, zehirlenen kurtlar, evsiz b\u0131rak\u0131lan denizkaplumba\u011falar\u0131, birer birer vurulmu\u015f toylar, kesilen ormanlar, ya\u011fmalanan dereler&#8230; T\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fcn ah\u0131 \u00fczerimizde. Hasankeyf\u2019in resmi kar\u015f\u0131mda duruyor. \u0130\u00e7im c\u0131z ediyor. Bakam\u0131yorum camdan ekrana. Bir g\u00fcn ger\u00e7e\u011fi yok olur, geriye sadece bu boya izleri kal\u0131r diye.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Oysa ki ya\u015fam nas\u0131l da renkli. Nas\u0131l da m\u00fckemmel \u015fu an. Ellerimin klavye \u00fczerinde gezindi\u011fi \u015fu biricik anda, \u00f6ylece ya\u015f\u0131yorum. Bir g\u00fcn bir hastane k\u00f6\u015fesinde do\u011fdu\u011fumu s\u00f6yl\u00fcyor annem. Bir g\u00fcn bir yerlerde \u00f6lece\u011fimi anlat\u0131yor do\u011fam. \u00c7ok \u015fey ya\u015fam\u0131\u015f olmal\u0131y\u0131m, her canl\u0131 gibi. Direnmi\u015f ve \u00e7ok \u015feyi kabullenmi\u015f olmal\u0131y\u0131m, her h\u00fccre gibi. Ancak kabul edemedi\u011fim \u015feyler hala var. Hem de \u00e7ok var. Dicle\u2019nin g\u00f6z g\u00f6re g\u00f6re yok edilmesi, Anadolu\u2019nun t\u00fcm derelerinin sat\u0131lmas\u0131 gibi. Para u\u011fruna d\u00fcnyan\u0131n d\u00f6rt bir yan\u0131nda s\u00fcren sava\u015flar gibi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u0130nsan\u0131n do\u011fay\u0131 yok etti\u011fi bir d\u00fcnyada, insanl\u0131\u011fa yer yoktur. Fakat biliyorum, insan bunun tersini de yapabilir. Neslimiz, bu derin uykudan uyanarak ba\u015fka bir d\u00fcnyan\u0131n kap\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 yeniden aralayabilir. Bunun ger\u00e7ekle\u015fmesi i\u00e7in, g\u00fcn\u00fcn birinde, hayvan hapishanesine t\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015f o maymunla tekrar y\u00fcz y\u00fcze gelmek ve dertle\u015fmek isterdim:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Biliyorum, benden korkuyorsun. G\u00f6zlerinden okuyorum, bana g\u00fcvenmiyorsun. Ad\u0131m k\u00f6t\u00fcye \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f bir kere&#8230; \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ben gelmi\u015f ge\u00e7mi\u015f en tehlikeli canl\u0131y\u0131m. Sava\u015f\u0131, h\u0131rs\u0131, \u00f6fkeyi ve toplu k\u0131y\u0131m\u0131 bu d\u00fcnyaya ben getirdim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fakat bir de senin pek bilmedi\u011fin yanlar\u0131m var. Do\u011fa a\u015fk\u0131na dola\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m g\u00fcnler, s\u00f6yledi\u011fim t\u00fcrk\u00fcler, \u00e7izdi\u011fim reng\u00e2renk resimler. Karanl\u0131k suretimi at\u0131p bir tarafa, bu en saf halimle \u00e7\u0131ksam kar\u015f\u0131na, ne d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrs\u00fcn? Pi\u015fman oldu\u011fuma inan\u0131r m\u0131s\u0131n?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Bana yeniden g\u00fcvenmen i\u00e7in, s\u0131rf bunun i\u00e7in, ad\u0131m\u0131 bile de\u011fi\u015ftirebilirim. Binlerce y\u0131ll\u0131k ge\u00e7mi\u015fimi bir yana f\u0131rlat\u0131p, neslimden istifa edebilirim. \u0130nan bana, ben \u00f6ld\u00fcren de\u011filim. Ben, t\u00fcm canl\u0131lar\u0131 mutlak yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011fa s\u00fcr\u00fckleyen muktedir de\u011filim. K\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 bo\u015flu\u011fun i\u00e7inde t\u00fcm\u00fcyle yok olmadan, yanl\u0131\u015f yolda oldu\u011fumu anlad\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Biliyorum, d\u00fcnya benim i\u00e7in yarat\u0131lmad\u0131, ben \u00fcst\u00fcn de\u011filim, ben farkl\u0131 de\u011filim. Duymak istiyorsan e\u011fer, bunu da hayk\u0131rabilirim:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ben insan de\u011filim!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Kas\u0131m 2002 \u2013 Aral\u0131k 2015<br>G\u00fcven Eken<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ben insan de\u011filim Bir istifa dilek\u00e7esi&#8230; Art\u0131k bir eve ihtiyac\u0131m yok.Her da\u011f, her dere benim evim.Art\u0131k bir dile ihtiyac\u0131m yok.B\u00fct\u00fcn diller benim dilim. Art\u0131k kendime ihtiyac\u0131m yok.D\u00fcnyan\u0131n her \u015fekli benim suretim.\u015eimdi \u00f6lmek de kalmak da bir.Ben her\u015feyim ve insan de\u011filim. ** Ayr\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131n hepsi ac\u0131 verir. Ama en ac\u0131s\u0131 vedala\u015fmadan ya\u015fanan ayr\u0131l\u0131klard\u0131r. Ak\u015fam eve d\u00f6n\u00fcp de [&#8230;]<\/p>\n<p><a class=\"dd-btn dd-btn-secondary text-sm\" href=\"https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/tr\/ben-insan-degilim\/\">Daha Fazlas\u0131n\u0131 Oku&#8230;<span class=\"dd-sr-only\"> from Ben \u0130nsan De\u011filim<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":2498,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[60],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2497","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-haber"],"acf":[],"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/jannie-scaled.jpg",2560,1690,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/jannie-300x300.jpg",300,300,true],"medium":["https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/jannie-300x198.jpg",300,198,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/jannie-768x507.jpg",768,507,true],"large":["https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/jannie-1024x676.jpg",1024,676,true],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/jannie-1536x1014.jpg",1536,1014,true],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/jannie-2048x1352.jpg",2048,1352,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"A. Erdem \u015eent\u00fcrk","author_link":"https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/tr\/author\/erdem\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Ben insan de\u011filim Bir istifa dilek\u00e7esi&#8230; Art\u0131k bir eve ihtiyac\u0131m yok.Her da\u011f, her dere benim evim.Art\u0131k bir dile ihtiyac\u0131m yok.B\u00fct\u00fcn diller benim dilim. Art\u0131k kendime ihtiyac\u0131m yok.D\u00fcnyan\u0131n her \u015fekli benim suretim.\u015eimdi \u00f6lmek de kalmak da bir.Ben her\u015feyim ve insan de\u011filim. ** Ayr\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131n hepsi ac\u0131 verir. Ama en ac\u0131s\u0131 vedala\u015fmadan ya\u015fanan ayr\u0131l\u0131klard\u0131r. Ak\u015fam eve d\u00f6n\u00fcp de&hellip;","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2497","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/10"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2497"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2497\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2498"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2497"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2497"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dogadernegi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2497"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}